Rehearsal

There's always so very much to learn but so little time to practice it...

I'm down to two weeks.  I can hardly believe it--can you believe it? Only TWO weeks!!!  Then I'm off to the MTC for a couple months and then the remainder of my two years in The Land Down Under.  I won't say I'm far from prepared, but there's so much I think I could have done to be even more ready.  On top of that, it doesn't help at all that this all seems so far off.  I mean, 14 days is no time at all, but for some reason I still don't believe that I'm ever going to enter the MTC.  It's surreal almost...

I juste hope I'm not in denial.

But as of right now I'm in rehearsal mode.  That is, I'm trying my best to live by missionary schedule.  My honest to goodness reaction?  I already love it. Getting up at 6:30 makes me feel productive, and starting the day with a half-hour of exercises wakes me up so I'm brighter than a light-bulb.  Then I get breakfast followed by an hour of personal study time.

A WHOLE HOUR!!!  It's great!

Before I leave I want to finish the Book of Mormon again, and also Preach My Gospel.  I have grown to love these two works so much in the past months and I'm stoked to have the opportunity to continue discovering the principles and lessons that I've yet to recognize within their pages.

I think everyone should live by rehearsal schedule.  It's super-duper easy and makes your day so much better.  It's listed right in Preach My Gospel on page viii--and the best part is you don't hafta follow the whole thing to a T.  I just follow the schedule up to 9:00 a.m. and then the rest of the day is mine to do as I please.  The only stipulation is that I have to be in bed by 10:30.

Easy Peasy.

And like the old saying goes:

Early to bed and early to rise makes a Mike healthy, wealthy, and wise.  And you too!

So let's all get started.  Especially you prospective missionaries.  Everyone gets up at 6:30, works out, showers, prepares for the day, eats breakfast, and then studies for an hour.

It's only every morning.  That's not too hard, is it?

And I mess up and sleep in a half hour or hour at least two times a week, but hey! Life is all about improvement, no?  So who cares if I sleep in today, I can always do better tomorrow!

Here is hoping I've rehearsed enough to be as prepared as I can.  Like I said before: I find it hard to believe this thing's coming, but I'm rehearsing anyways.

Revolution

One rotation of a rope around a jumper.  Or in this case, a war against the editors of Vogue Magazine.

In the sixteenth century, a group of inspired revolutionaries declared independence from the tyranny of their king.  They declared the right to one's "Pursuit of Happiness," as long as one person's pursuit would not infringe on another's rights.

Therefore, in the pursuit of my personal happiness, I request an amendment be made to the current standards of fashion.

Let.
Me.
Have.
My.
Bell-bottoms.

The current tastes in fashion are like sour milk poured over a bowl of Golden Puffs.  Disgusting.

But bell-bottoms will prove to be a cinnamon roll topped with cream cheese frosting, eaten and enjoyed as the sun rises following a miserable snow storm.

That's how tasty it will be when I finally get my bell-bottoms.

I detest straight leg jeans.  My calves and ankles have no breathing room!  I also prefer to maintain the blood flow to my heart, so I abhor the skinny jeans.  And hipster pants?  Puh-Leez.  In my day we referred to the visibility of one's ankles as "preparing for the floods."

No, thank you.  I prefer to maintain my standards of breathe-ability, circulation, and comfort.

Have you ever heard of "pulling out all the stops?"  It is a term from organ performance that means to open all the valves to the pipes to give the loudest and biggest sound possible.

So here's my proposal for Vogue.  Ditch the skinny jeans.  Burn the hipster pants.

Let's pull out all the stops and give the loudest fashion statement with the biggest flares possible.

When I tell people I want bell-bottoms they laugh.  They actually laugh!  And then they tell me that it is "unfashionable" for a person to wear bell-bottoms (but they give no reasonable explanation for why it is unfashionable).  And these are the people who simultaneously allow others to wear leggings or tights as pants.  I say that is what is truly laughable.

I believe if we left all fears aside we'd see that boot-cut jeans (the most comfortable jeans around) are just a tamed version of the bell-bottom.  Thus, by facing our fears and pulling out all the stops, we can create the jeans that everyone actually can be comfortable and fashionable wearing.

In all honesty, I really don't know what it is about bell-bottoms.  It might be the love, peace, and happiness, but there's definitely something about them that makes me go "GAAAAAAAAH!!! I FREAKING LOVE YOU!!!" every time I see a good looking pair of 30-inch flares.

And there is the qualifier.  Good Looking.

I agree, there is nothing attractive, nor fashionable, about those horrendous snow-pea green corduroy disco pants.

But a nice pair of white disco flares?  Or some dark bell-bottom jeans?

There is nothing wrong.

Therefore, I end with my own declaration:


I hereby propose an amendment to the current concepts of so-called fashion.

I hereby declare that I, as an individual, should not be denied the right to dress as I please so long as I look good.

I hereby declare a promise to continue looking good.

I hereby declare that you allow me to wear my bell-bottoms and be fashionable.  You'll thank me.

Because should you refuse to meet these terms, I will resort to warfare and buy my bell-bottoms anyways.  This will cause others to realize the prestige of bell-bottoms and all so-called "fashion advice" will be left behind to wither away to nothingness.

Join, or Die.

Double Dutch

two ropes spin in opposite directions around a single void and alternate hitting the ground at an even pace.  Standing within this void enables a jump-roper to alternate jumping over both ropes while performing stunts.

Trying to find a place to sit on the fourth floor of the library today was like trying to jump into a Double Dutch formation.

There haven’t been this many people on the fourth floor since the first week of school!

Now, I know that finals are coming up, and that papers, projects, and presentations are soon due.  But why should those of us who have consistently studied on the fourth floor suddenly have to find a new way to sit down at a table so as not to distract all the new-comers?

I’m not trying to complain—these new-comers are quiet and respectful and they have a right to be here too.  I’m just saying things have gotten a little complicated.

This is why I felt like I was trying to enter a Double Dutch formation when I really should have been sitting down at a table.

Please note the similarities:

Entering a Double Dutch Formation

1) Decide on point of entry. Double Dutch can either be entered perpendicular to the spinning ropes or from the side at a near-parallel to the ropes approach.  If desired it can also be entered from a full parallel approach by doing a leap-frog kind of jump over one of the people turning the ropes.

2) Get the rhythm.  If you have no clue at what speed you’re going to jump after you’ve entered there’s no point in even making an attempt at an entrance.

3) Enter. Be sure to clear that first rope that takes most people by surprise.

4) Jump at the established rhythm.  Jumping too fast or slow will mess up the ropes within three seconds.  I find it easier to jump by alternating feat, rather than jumping with both feet at double speed.

Sitting at a Table Today on the Fourth Floor

1) Decide on a table.  This was extremely strange for me because usually there are open tables everywhere. And not just everywhere.  EVERYWHERE.  For example, last week there were only two or three tables that were taken by one person each.  Today, not a single one was empty.  To make matters more difficult, Unspoken Rule #1 on the fourth floor is that if there are open tables one must find and sit at his or her own table.  It’s not that we can’t share our tables, it’s that we don’t like to.

2) Get the courage.  Basically you’ve got to figure out how to sit down casually, but not so casually that an I’m-already-sitting-here kind of person gets the vibe that you have no knowledge of Unspoken Rule #1. Courage and casualness has to be well planned, especially if the selected table has an attractive person of the opposite gender.

3) Enter.  Be sure to clear that first angry glare by giving a nice smile.

4) Sit down and get to work.  No eye contact with or staring at the person already at the table or else they’ll think you’re a creeper.  You’d be outta there within three seconds if someone were to keep staring at you. I found it easier to work at double speed so that I didn't feel like I was intruding on their table for too long. There are few things worse than an uninvited guest who overstays his welcome.

With all these complicated procedures I think next semester I’ll just go outside and work on my Double Dutch rather than my research paper.

Or maybe I’ll go find wherever these people came from.  They must have left someplace on campus completely empty to be able to pack a room this big completely full…